Janet

I love my mom. I know sometimes I am a little hard on her. I read a posting on FaceBook this week that my friend Brooklyn posted about Rat Genomes, and how the RatMom that licks her pups have more well adjusted pups opposed to the RatMom who Does NOT lick her pups, well, they aren't quite as well adjusted. I thought about this, and I am not quite so sure my RatMom licked me so much...I know she cared about me.....she just had a hard time showing it. If she read this blog, I would be in SOOOO much trouble. I have a Saggitarius mouth and I sometimes WRITE or SPEAK before I THINK. Warning!!! That negative trait will get you in ALOT of trouble in this life! Why would I worry about being in trouble when I am almost 46 years old? :-) See?? I am not well adjusted!

Well, my mom retired a couple of years ago from the Lawton Public Schools. She worked in the handicapped classroom. It was real hard for me to get used to my mom teaching and working with kids. I did not think she LIKED kids. So anyway, since retiring she has led a very leisurely lifestyle. She lives pretty simply with her husband Mike who is a Viet Nam Veteran. They are very good companions. I still worry that she is gonna kick him to the curb, or he is going to run away, because I know how my mom operates. If that happens, my brother says that "I" being the oldest daughter and living in Oklahoma, get to take care of her by Oklahoma Default! I have already given her a heads up that she is getting a One Way Welfare Paid ticket to the Nursing Home. Anyway, so far, things have remained status quo.

Sgt. Wilma and I paid Janet and Mike a visit on Monday. Sgt Wilma is Janet's mother. So we rolled up and they were sitting on the porch drinking diet Coke. We said our Hello's, and the elderly neighbor Ann came over to invite my mom to the Senior Citizens Center for lunch. If anybody KNOWS my mom, she will barely acknowledge she has kids and grandkids as she does NOT want anybody thinking she is OLD! Granted, she looks pretty good for her age. She was wearing "Skinny Jeans" its like...."What are you doing wearing Skinny Jeans? Aren't you a little mature for skinny jeans? Are you trying to compete with your granddaughter Micah?" So when Ann invited my mom to the Senior Citizens, it MADE my day!! With the straightest face I could muster I told her neighbor " SHE would LOVE to go to Senior Citizens with YOU!!!! " I loved volunteering my mom to go to the Senior Citizens for lunch. My mom actually committed to one day a week going with Ann, but I knew, Mike knew and Sgt Wilma knew that Janet was NOT going to be going to Senior Citizens for lunch. My mom has also over the past couple of retirement years, threatened to volunteer for  something, this time it was a bird sanctuary. Once again, I told her " I think that is a WONDERFUL idea, you need to go down there tomorrow!"

So Sgt Wilma and I get in the car to leave my mom's house and as soon as the door was closed, my grandmother was saying "She is NOT going to eat lunch with Ann at the senior citizens" I started laughing and said , "Oh NO she isn't!! " When I went home to tell Racoon about the Senior Citizens lunch and my mom he did some belly laughing too. We both speculated that my mom NEVER got out of bed before 11 am....that she is too busy recovering from whatever hangover went on the day/night before....shopping, gardening, pill popping, boozing, smoking, tv watching.....I am so eager to hear if she actually does go to the Senior Citizens!!

Name Calling

Well today is Racoon's 47th birthday. We have been celebrating this damn birthday for 3 damn days now....everytime he want's his way..."It's MY birthday" Everytime I say something ugly " I can't believe you are talking like that on MY Birthday" He is rivaling Micah about being crazy about his birthday!! By 10 pm tonight, I was TIRED of being NICE, because I had made a promise to myself that I was going to to be nice to Racoon on his birthday....and I fairly was, other than I did not let him pick where we went out to eat...I picked....

Racoon started the HCG diet several days ago....OMG....I am gonna die if I have to listen to him order one more time at a restaurant...."OK, I am on a DIET, and I can only eat these certain foods, so person taking his order PAY ATTENTION, because, by God, it is COMPLICATED!!! It does not matter where we go, this is his order " I want 6 ounces of shredded beef, and 2 cups of lettuce and a lemon sliced up.....at Pepe Delgado's for his 2nd birthday celebration, I ordered DEluxe Chicken Nacho's with sour cream ON PURPOSE, to be a saboteur, of the Racoon's diet. He was dying he wanted chicken Nacho's so bad!! I tried to explain to him yesterday that " NO ONE GIVES a SHIT, if you have food allergies, if you are on a diet, if you don't like onions, people just really don't care! For REAL" So the next time you try to talk to someone about your freaking HCG diet, remember, NO ONE CARES. Now, I know that sounds a little harsh, but there is insight into my madness. I have TRIED to diet with Racoon before and it is MISERABLE!! He is the Food Police, he watches what you are eating and he will exploit, antagonize and provoke you until you think you are going to lose your mind and wrap him in a sheet and hit him with a shoe!! I am also making some FOOD CHANGES in my life, I have lost 18 pounds in the past couple of weeks. But my eating is NOT a starvation diet, it is eating healthier. I can not be deprived or I will fail. I can not be bullied or policed or I will Rebel.

WE went to Journey Church yesterday, in celebration of Scott's birthday. Pastor Clark had us make SIN trees on our notes, so I made a BIG sin tree for scott, and slightly smaller sin tree for me and Tyler and a small sin tree for Micah. Micah wanted to know what was on Scott's sin tree and I said "cussing and smoking" Everytime pastor said something that applied to me, Scott would elbow me and give me " the Look" the one that makes me want to slap the shit out of him right in the middle of church. NOw, we all know what is on MY sin tree!! After we left church, we were headed down to the IHOP. We get there and I go tell the lady we are gonna have 9, no 11, no 13 people....hostess says " your whole party here yet?" Well that would be a big fat NO....but let me back up, the fight was on when Scott whipped my Maxima into a Smart Car parking space and we could no open the doors to get out because he was so effing close!! It turned me to shit, it turned Tyler to shit and it turned Micah to shit. Then, he get's all upset because 'WE" are ganging up on him....Tyler has had it and is NOT going to eat with the famdamly. Deja Vue San Antonio Vacation 5 years ago when Tyler ruined the whole vacation because he is a fun hater and buzz kill....now where did he get those traits?? Not from ME!!! :-) So, I am taking my little present in to IHOP that I had purchased for Scott, a little token of my love. It is a pewter box that says " I love you" on it, and I put a little stone in it that said "SoulMate" even though I don't believe in soulmates, I believe in kindred spirits. I take that out of the gift bag until the warm fuzzy urge is upon me again to give it to him. Whitney and her entourage arrived and I had to tell on Scott and she just looks at me and smiles at the ridiculousness of the fight.....and reminds me "Remember, you can't expect a Scorpion to drive like a Frog" In other words....He is NEVER going to change, quite making your life miserable in trying to change him!! :-) WEll, I am gonna have to finish this later, it is time to go to bed!!