Freak Show

Well today as been a pretty good day as the world turns. I got up at a decent hour, called work to see if they needed my talent today, no takers on that gig....got ready to go see Dr. Riddle today to bitch about m blood pressure. Uggghhhhh!!! I hate blood pressure problems. WHY did I inherit the genetic gift of hypertension from my MOM and my DAD?? I would just have assumed inherit something else...(but crazy, they both can keep those genes) . Ya know if I am gonna stroke, just do it already, and make sure it's a fatal one!! I don't want to live gorkled out at the Nursing Homes for my kids to come visit me...anyway, don't mean to be so fatalistic with my attitude with my health, but I guess that's how this ole nurse thinks.

Racoon has actually been on good behavior today,so can't bitch at him too mucy. It might be because we have company in my bestie Sandi from Gage. Sandi and I have been knowing each other for 30+ years. She is that friend that we can pick up where we left off if it has been days or monthes. I adore her. She had just graduated Nursing school in 1981 when we started working together at Newman Memorial Hospital in Shattuck Oklahoma. I was best friends with her sister Debbie. Sandi had a baby boy in Nov of 1981, Levi. I loved that baby, then she had twins the following year. I was 17 at the time. She would call me crying from exhaustion and I would go help her with the babies. Oh my gosh I Loved those boys!! Levi, Eric and Erin....they are 28 and 29 . Sandi was my nurse when Matthew was born at Shattuck. She wiped my tears away ....for many reasons....She is always on my side, even if I am wrong. She sets a good example....She is a dreamer. I value and treasure this friendship and sister hood to the core of my soul. When we looked through Matthew's Hope chest today, and pulled out his Army Jacket with his name embroidered on it, she cried with me. I could hardly breath. It hurt so bad. But then we moved on to the other memories, her beautiful grandchild, my beautiful grandchild. We can sit in the room and not say anything and it is so comforting to me. I am so very blessed to have this loyal friend in my life.She is so very precious to me.

NOw, I want to talk about the Angry, Gangsta Asian at the shoe repair place on Main ST. He is vewy scawee! He is vewy angwy! I took in what I believed to be, 2 authentic LouisV's....the straps had broke on the purses....fun how the strap broke on the same handle on BOTH purses...anyway, I put it on my TODO list to see about getting them fixed.So I wander into the boot repair shop and he comes out and gives my an estimate to fix them...$24 dolla, you pwepay! I of course have to be a sarcastic smart ass customer..."Do you guarantee your work?" He laughs in my face...."HAHAHA, NOOOOOO, No one gawantees wok on fake ledder " Me :"Are you telling me my purses are KNOCK OFFS and are fake" , Angry Asian "YES" ....ME:putting away my cold hard cash, "me no pay for fake looeee veetons then" he then blasts me again " you should not cawy so much stuff in yo purse to bweak handle" uuuggghhhh, I snorted out of there. I hope that I never have to darken his doorstep again!!! Then I am mad  when I get into the car because my MOM, swore that those purses were REAL Louis's!! I am REGIFTING her those purses with the broken straps....one for her birthday on Dec 24th, and one for Christmas on Dec 25th,or better, maybe they would make a GREAT dirty Santa Gift!!! :-) I knew my mom got those purses in the scratch and dent bin at the Goodwill!! She is IN TROUBLE!! The humiliation!
Peace hugs and LOVe!!

WHY?

Today was a shitty day. It really did not start off that shitty, just the usual, " Mom, we need lunch money" or "gas money routine"  I am used to that. The Racoon got up out of the Rack at an unusually early time this morning, not sure why he was up so early other than to obscess over being anxious. So , being the co-dependent  red neck hawt mess of a wife that I am, got up to see what all the anxiety is about....it's TMI to talk about it on a blogspot....Iam getting real close to losing all of my "give a shit" that God has given to me.  I am still struggling with my "purpose" my "lesson" that I am supposed to be learning in this lifetime.

The Baby Headed Racoon and I leave around 11am to take his TiaJuana Taxi to the tire place to get a tire fixed. He is ALWAYS having to fix a tire. Because he does not pay attention to the road, he is too busy talking on the cell phone, looking for his lighter, smoking, with a diet coke in the cup holder spilling everywhere while he makes illegal turns and lane changes. He dared honk the horn with Road Rage while I was in the car at a stop light because a RedNeck spit a big ole wad of chew out the window. I thought I was gonna strangle him right then and there. We went to the Sonic which was fairly uneventful. As we were leaving I demanded a detour at Tulips for a nice fresh heavenly cupcake...you would have thought  I wanted to pull into the Lexus dealership and buy a car the way he acted, and then it was a big fat effing fight over a CUPCAKE!! I will NOT be controlled by a babyheaded Racoon! He says 'You are on a diet, you will THANK ME, for not letting you get cupcakes" BULLSHIT....get me a CUPAKE!! Now I am PISSED....so we go home and the smackdown is ON....over a cupcake....don't get me started on YOUR bad freaking habits!! I settled into my day off Life in Hell routine which includes wanderng around aimlessly in my house wondering "Where do I start?"   

Anyway, there were several little "triggers" today that sent me into a cry me a river lose control of my emotions, cryfest this afternoon. There are days that are just so very hard to get through. Who knew 27 years ago when I was rocking a collicky baby and changing diapers and bonding with such a beautiful baby boy, that I would stand at the foot of his grave someday, and be forever changed by the loss. Some people are emotionally retarded when it comes to dealing with bereavement issues "you aren't over that yet?" "It's time for you to move on from that" Without a doubt , I know I will never be over this. I might get conditioned and emotionally tolerant to the overwhelming grief I feel today. But I will never be over it.

I sat and made some jewelry tonight, Racoon caved this afternoon and went to Tulips and bought me cupcakes. Cupcakes make EVERYTHING all better! Just like a hug from my children,my granddaughter, that stinkin pesky Raccoon....Peace Hugs and Love!